Rumah Urut / Massage Parlors 101 (Incl. B2B)

Okay aku dah taknak cerita banyak pasal experience dah.


This entry is about the fun facts, tips, tricks of rumah urut 'biasa' / 'normal' massage parlors (NOT B2B) from my POV.


Here goes:


1. Actually not all MP/RU semuanya ada dirty services. So, let's say kalau kau memang nak pergi massage, better kau cari yang mahal. Bukan service kedai tepi jalan yang RM40-50 sejam ni. I mean not that they don't have proper masseuse, it's a Russian roulette. Memang macam kau main Roda Impian - kalau dapat yang bagus, bagus lah.

2. Kalau kau nak yang extra service (maximum point: urut batin), rata-rata semua massage parlor kat area kedai ni memang ada, so tak payah tanya. Memang dia ada. Cuma heads up: kau standby extra RM50, sebab memang dia tak letak dalam package unless auntie/uncle yang jaga tu kata awal-awal. So calculation bodoh dia: hourly rate + RM50. Note that ada yang cokia sikit, harga extra tu maybe kurang dari RM50. Aku cakap fifty sebab just to be safe, less hassle tiba-tiba pulak nak kena pegi withdraw. Tempat macam ni JARANG ada paywave / debit. ADDITIONAL TIPS: Jangan tanya kat counter, it's like an alarm to them yang kau ni first timer / undercover. Naik je jangan tanya banyak.

3. Kalau kau masuk, don't waste your time nak tunggu masseuse tu datang. Lose your pants and shirts, tinggal boxer/undies je (kalau kau tak pasti dia ada 'extra' or not). If not, kau bogel je, baring telangkup siap-siap atas stretcher / katil / tilam. KEEP YOUR BELONGINGS SOMEWHERE VISIBLE. Letak setempat jangan main lepuk macam dalam bilik kau. Macam dalam cinema, silent your phone.

4. Kalau kau untung, dapat local, boleh la nak borak-borak. But be mindful, jangan borak macam pasar konon nak be less awkward. Just relax and be mindful of what you said. Jangan reveal info macam kau nak suai kenal awek, sebab walls are pretty thin.

5. Be mindful. Some of the masseuse memang nampak macam mesra, sebab tu memang kerja dia. Don't be rude, i.e kau nak try kiss ke (bapak horny sial kau) nak grab cipap dia ke apa ke, they're human too. Act cool. Sebab kalau kau melebih, dia boleh lari pergi bawah report kat 'bapak' / 'abang' dia. Dari kau nak seronok-seronok sedap badan, kang keluar kedai terhincut-hincut limping je kang kena tutuh.

6. When she's touching you here and there, tak payah sibuk nak trick dia untuk urut 'adik' kau, that's just pathetic - she'll definitely come to that later. Let her do her job. Layan je la. Kalau dia kasar sangat, bagitau elok-elok. Kalau sakit cakap, jangan senyap je. Sebab some masseuse ni esp. yang baru 'turun kapal' tak semuanya ada experience. Kang kalau patah riuk salah urat, tanggung sendiri.

7. Jaga hygene. Kalau dah tahu badan hapak, peluh bau macam babi, mandi siap-siap sebelum datang. Kalau kau bau macam gajah kat Zoo Negara, memang dia urut kau macam nak tak nak.

8. When she's doing your didi, be mindful of your hands. Jangan main seluk laju-laju je. Mostly diorang either layan atau elak. Kalau dia layan, jangan pushy. AND CAREFUL, yang RELA tu biasanya nak EXTRA. Tau-tau dia cas kau RM200 je. Baik kau pergi rumah ayam. Padan muka.



NOW, HERE'S EXTRA POINTERS FOR B2B RU/MP:

1. Tempat yang B2B jarang ada massive signboard. Sometimes takde pun. Itu kau kena pandai riki/recce atau Google.

2. Normally dia ada cheap signboards, atau pun small neon/led bentuk TAPAK KAKI kecik yang BIASANYA kaler MERAH kat luar. Kalau kau nak elak disappointment, elakkan signboard hijau. Biasanya dia mesti level atas, bukan ground level. Banyak gate. Obviously.

3. Kalau kau ni jenis nak "terjun" (bukan yang nak book through phone awal-awal/nak daredevil try hit and run, aku suggest - DON'T. At least Google dulu tempat yang kau tengok tu. See if there's a review or rates. Kalau too expensive for you, tiba-tiba nak blah, that's an alarm. Aku taknak kata what's the consequence gonna be, but mostly they'll be pissed even though they'll greet you super friendly when you enter.

4. Most B2B OKT (somehow it's the same as bapak ayam/pimp but they don't like to be called that) won't be mad if you ask them "Bos! Hari ni siapa ada?", "Apa barang baik hari ni bos?". Some will show you photos, some will even line girls up.

5. ELAKKAN TANYA SOALAN BODOH macam "Boss sini boleh fuck tak?" "Boss diorang 'sihat' ka boss?" "Boss.." memang tau-tau kena shoot je. Again, I don't want to stress this further, BE COOL. Tanya soalan yang sikit-sikit je. Small talks would also do good, jangan lebih-lebih macam kau nak interview dia. Nanti dia ingat kau mata-mata/journalists. Not good.

6. When dia kata ONE SHOT, means memang sah kau boleh main dengan masseuse. Normally condom will be provided, tapi cheap ones. Nak selamat, beli Durex sendiri. Paham-paham la kan, jangan risk doing it without. NEVER. DON'T.

7. ONE SHOT means SEKALI main sampai pancut. Kalau kau amik yang one shot, make sure kau settle, lepas tu chow, jangan request lebih-lebih. They don't fuck around. Kalau nafsu kau memang jenis takleh puas sekali pancut, amik extra plan siap-siap. Kalau kau jenis memang one gamer, don't bother amik TWO SHOTS or THREE or whatever. Rugi duit kau. Macam nak makan kat nasi campur la jugak, konon lapar nak makan nasi penuh lauk penuh tau-tau kau dah kenyang. Save duit sikit bro. Ekonomi sekarang macam pukimak.

8. When you get yourself a girl, bila masuk bilik, jangan gelojoh bila dah bogel terus nak terkam. Mostly dia akan bagi towel and bawak kau pegi bilik air utk mandi/basuh badan. Kau jangan mandi macam kat rumah pulak. Basuh badan elok-elok. Arouse her slowly, if she allows you. Bayangla dalam sehari maybe dah 10 orang layan, memang susah nak jumpa yang seronok tengok kau bogel. In short, treat her well, she'll do you good.

9. Dalam bilik/cubicle, play along. Mostly akan massage kau dulu, so enjoy that. Nak seluk, seluk elok-elok. Most B2B masseuse memang tau kau datang nak beromen pun, so they wouldn't mind. Have fun fucking, but be mindful jangan nak try fetish kau suka-suka nak main anal, main rodok je batang ke mulut dia, nak golden shower (piss game la, butoh tak tau) ke apa ke. They.. are prostitute, not your girlfriend. If they let you, you're one lucky motherfucker.

10. Lepas settle, MANDI SEKALI LAGI. Wash your didi properly as well as your groin area pakai sabun. Balik rumah, kalau boleh better terus mandi lagi, pakai Dettol. Not to be over-precautious, but better be safe. Aku pernah naik gatal, nasib baik bukan STD. WUIIIII.




MORE FUN AND NOT SO FUN TIPS:

1. Choose your timing wisely, and ALWAYS check the winds for signs. You never now, kalau luck tak kena, you might be going to the place while there are eyes watching you and the place. Silap gaya, time line tengah panas, kau kena raid, aku taknak bertanggungjawab on the consequences. Macam aku, aku suka pergi weekdays, and a bit early maybe a little afternoon, 3pm like that. Masa tu diorang baru panas badan nak bukak kedai, customer tak ramai, and most probably the girls baru nak start the shift - most likely they'll be happy for one, she's got customer equals ada duit nak makan (sob sob), and her mood ain't fucked by some moronic customers before you.

2. If you wanna do your session during weekends, especially malam, be cautious. Peak hours ni memang ada potensi kena 'kacau'. Also, peak hours ni kau biasa dapat yang tak best sebab yang best-best semua dah kena book.

3. Kalau kau sampai a bit later at night, be aware yang mostly these girls dah layan banyak jantan before you. They might be or mostly tired. Kalau diorang dry, jangan expect kau dapat layanan paling best macam kau pornstar. Again, DO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE like being rough on them. Siapa suruh kau lambat. Also, wouldn't hurt to compliment them and as well as the counter worker / OKT. Aku pernah kena tengok one of the girls kena sound, which aku rasa she might be getting extra punishment later. They're human too. Diorang buat untuk cari makan. That, or aku ni hati tisu jugak sebenarnya haha.

4. If you want to EXCHANGE NUMBERS personally with the girls (mostly thinking you can trick them later-later for free sessions outside hours), DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK. Mostly these girls, they have tricks too. If you feel she's doing you greatly, ada lagi yang best. Point being, such attachments will lead you to feel something for the particular girl - WHICH IS A NO NO. In the end, if you think you're going on a game, they got game too. Lagi complicated if she's starting to look for you with some other stories. Just touch and go, tu je.

5. Avoid giving out your contact details, or any other details for that matter. Just don't. If you began to like a place, just tell the OKT you'll come often. They're not after you, they're after your wallet.

6. Most B2B brothels rate dia between RM160 - RM200. Lesser, that place could be easily tapped, or the girls are not good. Higher, you might being conned or you too noob. Baik kau tambah sikit, dapat main yang proper hotel punya escort.

7. Don't expect the place / room to be super exclusive. There's only one place I went somewhere in south of KL yang decent, ada bilik macam average hotel with king bed, price lesser than RM200. The girls are pretty friendly, as their OKT. Mostly the places are just with one single mattress yang damp. If you're lucky, kau dapat 'bilik' as in proper thin walls with doors. Some are just curtains.

8. Don't complain too much - you get what you paid for. Don't expect compensation over small discomfort. Most likely diorang buat bodoh till you go out.

9. Also, if you manage to find the website of a place you want, the girls are properly shot and edited with 360 Cam. Jangan mimpi kau nak jumpa yang slender 165cm girls with high waist and slim fit macam Scarlett Johansson. They're fuckable, of course, but not a goddess. So the photos are just for displays. Pandai-pandai kau kawtim ngn OKT nak yang 'baik' sikit.


So guys, be mindful, but have fun. After all, you're burning RM100 to RM200 for just a wee one hour. It's not heaven, it's just a temporary pleasure.